My thoughts are all kinds of jumbled as I sit down to write this post. Please bear with me as I attempt to write with more honesty and less omgfeelings (we all know I'm going to fail on that count).
I find it difficult to be authentic in my online life. I want to be what is pleasing or good or beautiful to everyone else, and rarely feel comfortable just being plain old me. I started this blog at a time when I was desperate to find a way to make enough money to stay home with Taylor. That didn't happen, and my dreams of a financially successful blog didn't either. Deep down, we all know that intentions do matter, and my intentions with this blog weren't real. Maybe because of that, or maybe for a hundred other reasons, I don't feel happy in this space anymore. I don't know how to share here, I suddenly feel exposed and vulnerable. I've realized that I opened my family life up in a way that was maybe...unfair? I've asked myself how Taylor might feel in fifteen years when she realizes I wrote about her for all the world to see, and suddenly it seems wrong.
So, this is goodbye. Maybe one day I'll find my way to another space where I can be plain old me. I think I know now that this won't be it. I leave it feel a little nostalgic, and a little regretful, but mostly relieved.
To everyone who has come here and showed me the love, I love you all. You know where to find me :)
I 1000% understand. I still think about blogging sometimes, but then I remember how hard it was to feel all the awkward feelings that went along with it and I remember why I stopped. You've gotta do what makes you happy.
ReplyDeleteI knew you would, friend.
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